People all over the world feel that the spark in their relationship is gone. This can be something that fades over time, or it can be a situation where something bad happened and caused the spark to leave. What really causes people to get disinterested in their partners?
In order to figure out what is causing the spark to fade, you have to understand the idea behind the fantasy bond. This is a principle that was written by Robert Firestone who was a psychologist and an author. This means that it is a relationship that is “the illusion of connection and closeness that allows a couple to maintain an imagination of love and loving, while preserving emotional distance.”
After being married for years, you might worry about being alone as you start to lose the closeness with another person. If you are someone that was single and looking for love, being married might be something that seems to meet your needs. You might not feel alone any longer but this phyiscal closeness can lead to emotional distance and that is what causes the fantasy bond. This is a bond when you have real feelings of love and respect, but they are replaced with feeling protected and secure.
Even though these things all seem like they should be part of a real relationship, this is one thing that can actually destroy a relationship. People that have a fantasy bond will choose routine over passion. They will be together, and they will be involved with each other, but they don’t have the affection that was once there.
This can cause the identity between to two people to be lost and the respect might not be there anymore. This can also cause the couple to no longer be confident with each other. When people lose the feelings that they had for each other in a romantic way, they might have a hard time relating to each other. This can cause them to become more into fantasy because they are afraid of losing each other and being alone.
Fantasy bonds exist and some couples are deeper into this than others, but other couples will have this happen depending on the moments in the relationship. They often have a hard time knowing if they are living in a fantasy world or if they really have love.
When they recognize that some of it can be a fantasy connection, it can form a challenge of negativity coming into the relationship. This can boost bad habits that don’t make the relationship ideal because the emotional closeness and the intimacy aren’t there as much. Here are ways to know a fantasy bond:
No Attraction
When you have a fantasy bond with someone, it starts by no longer having the same attraction with the person. You want them to take care of you but when you look at them you don’t feel the chemistry that you once felt. When you see someone as there for you but not attractive, it is hard to keep the excitement in the relationship.
Identity
Look at your relationship. Do you recognize how you and your partner break the boundaries with each other? Do you see each other as a we instead of an I? Do you keep separate while you are being in the relationship?
Instead of letting the separateness make you go further apart, being your own person can make your partner feel more attracted to you. This is how it was when you first fell in love and this independence can be attractive.
Overly Comfortable
People in this state are often so comfortable that they don’t care about their appearance, and they don’t care about their mental state. They don’t care if they hurt themselves or their partner and they don’t take care of their weight or their looks. They start doing unhealthy habits such as drinking, not exercising and other things.
These habits don’t bring closeness or comfort and they are actually making them have lower self-esteem as they push their partner away.
Having Fun
When you begin your relationship, you are excited to do new things together and to have fun together. As you get into routine though, you will see that you are less and less willing to go out and have fun.
You care about what interests your partner, but you stop sharing so much and you don’t do activities that allow you to be more intimate with each other.
Unrelated
Instead of having meaningful conversations, you feel unrelated in their life. You no longer want to share your life and your feelings or thoughts with them. Instead, you just do your own thing, and you realize that you aren’t being close. This can make your friendship and your relationship less important to both of you and it can cause the attraction to be gone.
Being Angry
You might see that you are building up negativity in the relationship. If you have problems that you are dealing with, you will keep these feelings to yourself. You will be less critical of yourself, and you will get in a habit of just hiding your feelings and not letting your partner hear what you are feeling or thinking. You stop caring about what you or your partner think, and you begin to be more of a challenge than a partner.
Final Thoughts
When you no longer make a connection that is emotional with your partner, you are causing the relationship to fade. Being in a fantasy bond will never work. You have to have a spark and you have to have the stability and the care in the relationship. Don’t let the patterns and habits ruin your relationship but find out how to be real with each other and to have real love.