Knowing People Through Discernment


Do you feel that you are able to judge someone without really knowing them and you find that you are normally right? You can see red flags in someone, and you know the true person before anyone else really does?

Most people have some kind of discernment and there are ways that you can figure out a real person’s intentions and character.

Having a First Impression

When you first meet someone, most of the time the person that you are meeting will be on their best behavior. They will go out of their way to impress others and will make sure that they look nice, are talking nicely and that they are watching how they sit and what they say. This is good until they get into a situation where they become uncomfortable.

Once someone begins to get uncomfortable, this is a time that you will learn more about who they are and what is really on the inside of them. People have different layers, the outer layer and the inner layer and the deep layer.

The top layer is when you meet someone for the first time. They will give you an impression and this will last around 20 minutes. One you first meet this person, you are getting information in your brain and you’re thinking about how they are acting, how they look and how they are dressed. You will listen to the tone of their voice and what they are saying.

Then the middle layer comes. This is something that lasts up to an hour. This happens after the first impression leaves. This is a time that you will notice body language if the person is keeping eye contact with you and what they are talking about.

The deep layer is the last layer. This is one that will last and is the true personality and character of the person that you are getting to know. This is what the person really is and if you listen and watch them for a period of time. You will know just who they are.

It is important that when you want to get to know someone that you take more than just a few minutes to interact with them. If you only interact for a few minutes, then you aren’t going to be able to truly judge their character. They will act in a certain way as long as you are keeping the meeting short and then you might not ever really know who they are or what they are about.

What is Character?

Character is what the person is on the inside. It isn’t about what they look like or what they wear but it is about who they are deep down. Here are some character traits:

  • Being humble: Find out if someone is being humble or if they seem to be sarcastic or braggy. Look at the conversation and see if you see jealousy or if they seem all about themselves.
  • Gossiper: Be careful with people that are gossiper’s and notice how they talk about other people.
  • Accountable: Someone that is accountable will apologize when they are wrong, and they will apologize when they make mistakes. Saying your sorry if you hurt someone is a good character trait to look for.
  • Reliability: Does this person call and text or show up when they say that they will? Do they let other people around them talk? Do they care about the time schedule?

Good character traits are important, and they can include things like being honest, kind, compassionate, fair, loving, moral and other things that make others feel good.

To know what kind of character someone has, make sure that you are letting the conversation continue. If it does and it feels smooth and easy, chances are that the person has a good character. But, if the conversation is hard and feels uncomfortable, they might be someone that is different than your first impression.

Good Character

Here are some ways that you can know if someone has a good character:

  • Being True

Look and see if the person is true to who they are, this is important.

  • Body Sensations

How do you feel after you are around this person? Do you feel good, or do you feel that something is off? Focus on the feelings that you are having.

  • Body Language

What kind of body language are they showing you? Do they lean in to listen and to talk? Do they make eye contact? Do they seem aggressive or comfortable? Do they touch you in a way that is comfortable or hug you and make you feel strange?

  • Talking

Look at how they talk to you. Are they saying things that are not considered appropriate? Do they keep interrupting you? Do they make all the opinions about themselves?

Listen to them talk about their past relationships, jobs, and the things that they do. Don’t let them flatter you to make you feel trusting because too much of this can be fake.

  • Vulnerable

Does the person open up to you about the things that they struggle with? Do they try to turn negative things into positive things? Are they telling you the mistakes that they have made but the lessons that they have learned?

  • Being Respectful

Respect is one of the most important things to notice. Do they respect your time? Are they respectful of how they talk to you? Do they make you feel comfortable and happy? Do they give you the space that you need?

Final Thoughts

There are many ways that people communicate and above are some of the ways that you can tell about someone’s character. Be patient with people but also be aware of how they talk to you and how their body language works. A person may or may not be who they say that they are, and this is where discernment comes in to play.