Are you in a relationship that has failed and you’re thinking about trying again? There are things that you should consider before you ever go back into a relationship a second time.
Giving the Relationship a Second Try
Relationships are hard work and even though at first it can seem easy, it isn’t. Having a good relationship means that you need to work hard and deal with things when the come. Fixing a relationship that has failed once can work as long as both people are willing to grow and to work harder.
Relationships that go for a second time might be harder because sometimes the couples get together for all the wrong reasons. Then they are always on again and off again and this can become a cycle.
It’s never a good idea to date your ex because you hated being alone and getting together for the wrong reasons will just cause it to fail again. Here are some things to consider if you are thinking about getting back together with your ex:
What Caused the Relationship to Fail?
If you’re thinking about getting back with your ex you need to understand what caused the relationship to fail in the first place. Did you have a hard time communicating, did they cheat, did you cheat, or did they do something unforgivable?
If the problems are too big to fix, chances are that you won’t be able to work the relationship out the second time around and you need to end it.
- Time Apart
The time apart should have shown you if you wished you were together or not. Figure out what you are interested in with the relationship. If the idea of the relationship is healthy and you have spent your time apart doing good things, this can make the relationship work if you get back together.
You should have spent time growing and becoming a better person. Time can help people to grow up and if this has worked, try again. Notice why you broke up and if the problems were valid. See if the relationship can start again on a healthier note. Don’t start back where the relationship ended but start new.
- Loving Them
Will you be able to love your partner as much as you loved them when you first got together? If not, then you will never be happy. Even if the love stays how, it was when it ended, you might want to consider just letting the relationship go.
If you feel that you can’t make the relationship work, don’t try a second time.
Giving Them a Second Chance
Relationships can be hard, and you need to notice if you can give it a second try or not. Are you able to forgive them and forget what happened? You can’t use the situation to throw it up in their face later.
Before you decide to try to fix a broken prelateship, notice these signs:
- The Problem Wasn’t Unfixable
Make sure that the reason that you broke up isn’t something that you can’t fix. When you decide to have a second round, make sure that the problems weren’t serious enough that you can’t forgive and see if the offenses can be forgotten.
Cheating is one thing that might not be forgivable, and abuse definitely isn’t. Some people are willing to work on a relationship and forgive each other while they deal with their problems. If you can figure out how to agree more and not to fight over the same things, it might work.
- Pay Attention to Actions
Base your decision to get back together on actions and not words. Make sure that you and your partner are willing to change and to treat each other better. Make sure you are able to trust them to do what they say.
- Honesty
Honesty is one of the biggest things in a relationship. Make sure that you and your partner are honest about what needs to change and what you both want. This is one step towards forgiveness.
They Want the Relationship to Work
Make sure that you and your ex want the relationship to work. It will only work a second time if both of you are willing to give your all.
You should know what you are dealing with when you go into the relationship and make sure that it is something that you aren’t going to get hurt over again.
Values
Do you and your partner share the same values? This is one reason that relationships often don’t work out. You need to have a partner that is going to support you and vice versa. Make sure that you have the same goals and values before you ever start over.
You should never compromise your values or your morals for other people.
- Being Responsible
You should both be responsible for what went wrong in the relationship so that you can fix things. It is never a one-sided issue and if you or your ex aren’t able to admit that you both played a role then it will never work.
- Making a Commitment
It won’t be easy to stop doing the same things that you have done before, and you have to learn to do things different. Commit to doing better and when you decide to try again, you might decide that you need to see a therapist to help.
How to Fix a Broken Relationship
You can get back with your ex, but you have to choose that you are going to make it work. You can’t go into the relationship with the same mindset as you left it, or the same things will happen. Here are some ways that you can fix a broken relationship and make it new:
Know Why You Want Back Together
Some people aren’t meant to be together but, in some situations, when someone wakes up and realizes that they have lost their partner, they might regret it and then if they decide to get back together their relationship can be stronger than ever.
Sometimes this doesn’t work for everyone but here are some things you need to ask yourself:
- Why were you drawn to each other?
- What do you think makes your ex valuable?
- What kinds of morals and values do you share?
- What makes your partner exciting?
Fixing Problems
There are many situations that can cause a relationship to end, and you have to figure out what has caused the problem in the first place. Maybe y our ex had to move away and so distance hurt the relationship or maybe it was something else.
Once you understand what issues you are facing, you can learn to fix them. It won’t be easy, and some people will be defensive when talking about these things but if they want it to work out, it has to be done.
- Forgiving the Past
In order for any relationship to work a second time, there has to be forgiveness. The forgiveness has to be for yourself and your partner. If there were problems in the past, they have to be forgiven if you are ever going to be able to get the relationship to work.
There has to be a clean slate when you start a second time with someone that came from a broken relationship.
- Let Them Get You Back
It can take time and effort to get a relationship fixed that has been broken. If you see that your partner is doing their best to change and to do things right this time, notice it. Be patient with them and give them a chance to get it right.
If the relationship ended in abuse though, this is different, and you should not get back with an abusive partner. In other situations, though, you need to give your partner a chance to make things better if you want the relationship to work.
Give them a chance to do things right this time before you bolt again.
- Learn to Communicate
Bad communication habits are just as bad as no communication at all. You need to learn how to communicate better such as:
- Being thankful: You need to learn to appreciate your partners effort and the kind things that they do for you. Say this out loud.
- Don’t interrupt: When you and your partner are talking and they are speaking, don’t interrupt them. Learn to listen and then actively respond.
- Say what you are feeling: You should be able to say what you are thinking and to express what you want. Your partner won’t know what to change if you don’t tell them what you want.
- Set goals: There needs to be goals that are set so that you can take small steps to reach them and establish trust again.
- Make the Connection Strong Again
Don’t get too busy that you don’t take time to remember what mattered the most in the relationship. You need to spend time talking about things that you have been through with your partner and bringing up good memories.
Go out to your favorite restaurant or places and remember why you ever fell for them in the first place. Connecting with your partner on a new level can help fix things.
- Don’t Listen to Everyone Else
Everyone has an opinion on everything. If you have people that are trying to make you end the relationship when you want to give it a second chance, then you need to let these people go out of your life.
One way that you can stop this is to keep the relationship private until you are ready to tell everyone that you’re back together.
- Have Boundaries
All healthy relationships have to have boundaries. Being with someone all the time can cause there to be stress in the relationship. Take time to date and give each other space. Set boundaries that are fair and healthy for everyone.
If the boundaries need to be negotiated, do that. Make sure everyone feels safe and secure in the relationship.
- Do Something New
Don’t do the same things that you did when you were together before. Find new things that you can do and find new hobbies and new ways to be with your partner.
Find cute things to do with each other that are new and that are exciting. Find fun dates to go on that brings new shared experiences. This can help to bring passion into the relationship.
- Respect, Respect and Respect
You must respect each other if the relationship is ever going to work. Having trust and respect will help to build things again. You also need to make sure that you and your partner are treating each other with kindness and compassion and that you are both being honest.
Share your vulnerabilities and the goals that you have for the relationship with each other and don’t fail to express what you are feeling so that you can both be on the same page.
Final Thoughts
Relationships are hard work and sometimes they don’t work out in the first round. If you are willing and wanting to give your ex another chance at making love work, do it. Don’t give up on the relationship just because the first time was hard.