Trusting After Betrayal


Betrayal is something that is hard to accept, and it can leave you feeling bitter and angry. You might even wonder if there is every hope that you can trust someone again.

Maybe before you were betrayed, you might have trusted people, or you might have even had little trust but you opened yourself up to trust someone that you loved or cared about. You probably have trusted other people according to what society says.

You most likely trust your family or your friends, you probably trusted your partner and believed that they would love you and treat you the way that you deserved. You had integrity and trust for people at your workplace and you expected people to have the boundaries that were necessary to make these relationships work. You thought that if you did the right thing and treated people the right way that you would get this in return.

Most people expect there to be trust of some kind in the social world. There are unsaid rules that people know what is right and what is wrong. It is not wrong to think that you should have the respect that you deserve.

Someone Betrayed You

But then it happened. Someone that you cared about and trusted betrayed you, breaking these social norms. They left you feeling hurt and confused and took away the trust that you had built in them. Can you ever trust someone again? The truth is that this is a yes or no answer. You won’t trust this person ever the way that you did before, but you can learn to let things go and get over the hurt that you have. When you are violated and people mistreat you or betray you, it doesn’t mean that everyone will treat you that way.

When you think about this person, does it bring up the same feelings over and over again? Do you wonder how they could treat you the way that they did?

Feeling betrayed can leave you feeling hurt and confused. It can cause you to not have trust for anyone again. You might even put this mistrust against other people that haven’t even let you down. This happens because your emotions are trying to protect you and help you to avoid getting hurt again. This is a reaction that most people have because they become afraid of being betrayed another time.

But, without trusting someone, at least a little bit, you will never be able to connect with people the way that you want to. You will never have a deep connection and it will cause you to end up being isolated and alone. As you build relationships, you have to learn to let your heart begin to trust again, at least to help you to figure out where the relationship is going to go.

You should never jump in with both feet, of course. All relationships take time, and you should be building the trust. Look at how someone is behaving and how they are acting towards you and others. Do they show integrity when they speak? Are they loyal? Do they respect others?  These are the questions that you need to ask as you start to build the trust.

There are going to be people that you can trust and some that you cannot. You have to love people for who they are though and even if they aren’t trust worthy, take them for that. Don’t let your secrets out to those you cannot trust.

Some people are going to be about themselves and they will be bullies and cannot be trusted. Even if you stay in a relationship with these kinds of people, make sure that you know how to protect yourself. Find that your situations with these people are toxic and just always be aware of who you are dealing with.

Levels of trust happen as you get to know someone. You also need to use discernment when you deal with other people and relationships. Be careful who you give your trust to. Take time to step away from a relationship, look at what is going on and make sure that their actions and their words work together. The relationship will build a history and it will be able to work out perfect for you, as long as you find the trust that you need.

Unhealthy relationships on the other hand will leave you feeling stressed and anxious. You will see that you will be emotional and then there will be little or no trust. Don’t assume though that everyone will betray you or this can cause you to miss out on good relationships.

Having someone break your trust can help you to learn to build better boundaries. You don’t want to build walls, of course, but you want to build boundaries and have open communication. Be skeptical in a way that is healthy and that is protecting your heart. This can help you to build your trust.

What to Do

Look at your own behavior and see if you are trusting someone that doesn’t deserve it. Are you giving your trust totally to people that you shouldn’t trust? Remember that each relationship will have some kind of risk and you need to figure out if they are worth that risk or not.  Being intimate with someone can be hard and you need to make sure that you are trusting before you share things that are private to you.

Once you feel good about a relationship, see how the time goes and what develops. Be open in your communication with them and allow them to share what is on their heart. You will see that as you do this and you mend your own heart, you will be able to be in positive relationships that help you to grow and to find peace.