Oh my, do you remember when your heart skips a beat every time they approach and you wonder, “Is this the one?” Given all that tingly joy, it’s hard to think clearly and assess the worth, and worthiness, of your partner.
Here’s an introductory guide to help you know if your connection is for real. Forget crushes and boyfriend material, this is for the real-deal. We’re talking about a long-term, lifelong love connection.
Presumably head-turning, heart-stopping infatuation is what brought you together; but if there’s not a quivering of physical desire – beware. Sometimes best friends become lovers and the security of the match outweighs the lack of a spark. Yet, without that little shiver of juicy anticipation, you won’t get through the long haul.
While many women turn to their best friend, or curl up in the warm softness of their beds for comfort, it should be an essential element of your love relationship. When you’re sick, or your boss goes off on you, does your lover comfort first, advise next and critique later? If not, this is a skill that needs to be acquired to keep your relationship afloat through high and low tides.
If you prefer the 11pm booty-call, if hanging out with “the girls” or your family is always a higher priority, you don’t value this person enough to make a go of it. For a fulfilling, lengthy relationship, your beloved needs to be your favorite person to spend time with. If not, check in with yourself to see whether you’re protecting your heart or are you just not into the relationship.
It’s not important to see eye-to-eye, it’s not even important how often you fight. What is important is whether you resolve issues together fairly. Can you fight without contempt, name-calling and hurling insults? If so, you’ll be able to work through the problems that strike even the most devoted lovebirds. If not, you’ll need to learn how to fight constructively.
You may take great care of your lover, of your children and friends, but do you take good care of yourself? If you take good care of yourself you’re much more likely to have a healthy relationship. Does your partner make taking care of you a priority? If your partner is there when things are tough, you can trust that actions speak louder than words.
It’s natural for each of you to do what has always worked. But in a good relationship, you need to accommodate what works for your partner, too. Sometimes needs are in opposition, and this demands creativity and flexibility. How true is this of you? How true is it of your love? If either of you are rigid, well, you’ve got some serious work to attend to. Sooner rather than later..
This is a tough call in the early stages of a relationship. How do you know if you’re really committed to your lover? One way is to imagine yourself at 70. Can you see your love still by your side? Does your heart warm or sink at the thought? As far as your partner is concerned, if they don’t speak of a future with you or you’re not introduced as “my partner,” this person is not committed to you.
Even after running your relationship through the seven points above, it can be hard to know if any troublesome aspects will be resolved as your love grows.