Our sexuality is complex. And just as any relationship requires on-going inquiry, communication, negotiation and attention, so does your intimate sexual relationship.
People attach a lot of things to their sexuality: power, attractiveness, acceptance, control, and so on. Exploring your sexuality and communicating with your partner about sex can be both rewarding and risky. My hope is that these tips can help in this endeavor so everyone can have a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual relationship.
This isn’t only an article about the physical act of sex. It’s also about the things people do before, during and after sex. So let’s get started!
You’re too Self-Critical
Many women are too critical of themselves and their naked bodies. Know that the guy you’re with isn’t scrutinizing your every inch—he’s just happy to have a naked woman in his room! You’re beautiful just the way you are and if you’re with someone who truly loves you, he thinks so too and will make you feel beautiful, even when you’re naked. A man who wants sex wants to be with a partner who wants sex too, so be confident in your own skin and enjoy the moment.
Your partner doesn’t want to initiate sex all the time. In fact, it’s a huge turn-on if you do it! Initiating sex shows confidence and it makes your partner feel sexy and desirable. You could be missing out on the best sex of your life if you’re sitting around, waiting for him to make the first move.
You Don’t Sleep in and Snuggle
Who doesn’t enjoy morning sex after a good night’s sleep? Getting at least seven hours of sleep not only leaves you well-rested, it’s also good for your physical, mental and emotional health. It’s nice to wake up with his body wrapped around yours or your body wrapped around his. But if you like your space while sleeping, wake up and snuggle each other. Don’t set your alarm clocks on the weekends!
Your Focus too Much on His “Yahee”
If women have a “yahoo,” men have a “yahee.” Get it? During sex, many women tend to focus on a man’s “yahee,” but there are many other body parts that can make him feel aroused. Men get turned on using multiple senses, including sight, sound and touch, so incorporate them into your playtime. Put on some sexy lingerie, play sexy music for him and spend time with the rest of nerve ending in his body.
You Make Assumptions
Lady magazines tell you what all men want in bed, but chances are they’re wrong 50% of the time. The truth is, each man is different, just like each woman is different. What one man likes, another man may not like, so it’s best not to make assumptions. If you want to know what your guy likes, just ask. And if he isn’t good at telling you, gently experiment with his body to find out for yourself.
You Tell Little White Lies
Some women lie to make their partners feel better. They may say something feels good when it doesn’t, or lie about having an orgasm. If you do this, you may think your sparing your partner’s feelings. What you’re really doing is making sex less fun for yourself. If every time you think about sex, you remember your partner doing something that doesn’t feel good, you aren’t going to be excited about having sex with them. So, be honest. If you don’t like the way they do something, tell them about it and be gentle, or show them what you like. He’ll thank you for the honesty when he realizes it will lead to better sex.
Your Make Orgasm the Goal
You have the right to an orgasm, but expecting one every time you have sex puts a lot of pressure on your mate. Why not just enjoy the moment without expectation, guilt or shame if you don’t have an orgasm. Sex should be about having fun. Orgasms are great, but don’t expect that you and your partner will have one every time.