We are taught from a very early age to react to what we feel, rather than assess why we feel the way we do. If someone cuts us off in traffic, we may utter a profanity, or present an obscene hand gesture to get our point across—don’t disrespect me! But what is that reaction really worth?
When it comes to our relationships, it’s much the same game. If our spouse or lover does not return our affection we can become sad, depressed, revengeful, confused and jealous because it makes us feel like the love we give isn’t worth much to them. But how does this help us heal? It doesn’t. It actually makes us miserable and damages our self-esteem. Unfortunately, we cannot make someone behave the way we want them to and return the love we seek from them the way we want them to. We can’t rely on them to make us feel like we have self-worth. We were all born with free will, which means, each of us has a very important choices to make.
Ask yourself the following questions:
1. Will I allow others to make me miss out on the beauty of life because someone will not comply with my need for attention and affection?
2. Do I have the courage and inner strength to face the future with a positive outlook, no matter what is taken away? (Know that the Universe will fill your future with what is best for you.)
3. Is there trust in my relationship? (If there is not, love will not thrive!)
4. Do I know that love means knowing all the strengths and weaknesses of your partner and loving them just the same? Do I know it also means having the wisdom to support them where they need it and allowing them to express their abilities where they are strong?
The Perfect Relationship?
You must also be aware that your partner is coming into this union with their own life issues to process. Perhaps, they’re working abandonment, trust or responsibility issues. But if you are there to help them, love is still possible.
Many of us are looking for a custom-made relationship in an off-the-rack world. In seeking that perfect relationship, remember everything is transitory. Strive to be open and willing to accept love with enthusiasm, appreciation and optimism for however long it lasts. Seek to learn from every relationship, whether it is “what you do not want to attract, or a lesson in skydiving.” Keep an open mind and heart for love’s adventures.
Do not look at the breakup or break down of a relationship as a loss. See it as a time for reassessment. Recognize everything changes.
Ask yourself these relationship questions:
1. Does my partner show empathy or emotional responsibility? (This is the root of mutual respect.)
2. Have we been growing together as partners? (This is the root of progress.)
3. Is it love, or lust? (This is the root of commitment.)
4. Do we enhance each other’s lives? (This is the root of endurance.)
5. Am I constantly compromising myself or expecting them to compromise for me? (This may damage self-esteem.)
6. Do our disagreements turn nasty instead of calmly talking them through? (You can agree to disagree. This allows room for individuality and diversity.)
Work at Romance
Romance is an awesome thing. Roses and chocolates every week can be quite nice. But unfortunately in time all things lose their luster just a bit. When this happens some may run—fearing that the thrill is gone. But, it’s not necessarily gone. It’s still there, but you may experience it less frequently. Romantic moments can be found in surprising and unexpected situations. An impromptu, romantic, candlelit dinner on the den floor may yield a much more intense romp. Cherish these golden seeds of love. It’s the quality not the quantity.
Never allow yourself to stop the flow of joy into your life due to previous heartaches. By doing this you’re only tainting your destiny and restricting the chances of one day being in a healthy, loving relationship. So drop that baggage!
I always tell my clients, “Don’t wait! Keep living!” If a lost love is going to return, it is better for the both of you to have enhanced yourself with new and different life experiences than to return to the same conditions in which the break proceeded. Live, Love, Laugh and Keep it Moving. Who knows, in their absence you may learn and experience wonderful, new things! Take belly dancing and blow his mind when you reunite. If not him, it will tantalize the next lucky partner!
The Rolling Stones put it best, “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.”
I appreciate the emphasis on mutual growth and empathy in relationships. These are fundamental components of a lasting bond.
Romance, like any other aspect of a relationship, requires effort and creativity. It’s refreshing to read about practical ways to keep it alive.
The advice to live fully even after a breakup is sound. Continuous personal development is beneficial for any future relationship.
The article raises some profound questions about the nature of relationships and personal responsibility. Reflecting on these can be quite enlightening.
The notion of free will and choice in relationships is crucial. Relying on someone else for validation can be a slippery slope.
Assessing our reactions instead of just feeling them is an interesting approach. It makes sense that understanding the why could lead to healthier mental states.
The concept of looking at breakups as a time for reassessment is very pragmatic. Everything indeed is transitory, and recognizing this can be quite liberating.
The questions posed about relationship dynamics are essential for self-evaluation. They serve as a good checklist for maintaining a healthy relationship.